What I Tried (And Why It Didn't Work)

So, I did what most people were doing at the time. I signed up for online dating as well as dating services. I tried the speed dating route. I tried going to places where women typically meet men and I even allowed well meaning friends to set me up.

To be fair, there were a few relationships that came out of these attempts, but, in the end, they all failed. At the time, I didn't know why. I did everything I could to put my best foot forward. I poured myself in improving my appearance, even took a stand up comedy class to learn how to be easy going and fun to be around, and tried very hard to be a good listener.

But, these things just seemed to backfire on me and truthfully, I was miserable and not having much fun. I felt like a fake, like I was trying too hard, and that deep down, there was something wrong with me which was oh so obvious to everyone but me.

I just could not understand how some women who don't seem to have the looks or the personality have guys eating out of the palm of their hands while I was trying so hard, supposedly doing everything right and failing (think Camilla Parker Bowles and Price Charles or Hugh Grant cheating on the beautiful Liz Hurley with a scary looking street walker.)

When I had these thoughts, one coworker came to my mind. She is not classically pretty and she does not come off as especially smart, but nice, attractive guys swarm around her.

One day, at lunch, I fessed up and told this coworker that I thought she was tops at interacting with men, and that she had a nice act going. She corrected me immediately, saying "Sara, this is not an act. Everyone likes someone who is open and happy. No offense, but you tend to give off the vibe that you're not entirely interested or receptive. "

What?! After I got over my complete horror and shock, I thought about what she said. Could I be giving off bad vibes? Because most times I was pretty interested! I didn't think so, but there was no doubt what I was doing hadn't been working for me.

Ok, there was a new plan for me. I figured from now on, I would try emulating her and opening myself up more to see where that got me. Turns out, this wasn't the definitive answer either, but not for the reasons I thought.